When it comes to matters of the heart, you will be surprised at how little it actually has to do with the heart, as it does to with the mind. A post of this nature was written before: One of these 5 mistakes could be your relationship killer; however consider this a round 2 from Mindspurt. Here are relationship mistakes to avoid to ensure a healthy relationship.
The lenses of life
One of the biggest reasons of incompatibility and conflicts in relationships is perspective. Another way to look at it is that we all see through life with distinct lenses. The concept is clearly depicted in the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey. According to him, our situations, experiences and upbringing dictate our perspective which then forms the lens by which we interpret everything in life.
But what does this have to do with relationships anyway? Well, if you and your partner look through life through different lenses; can you imagine how many disagreements are likely to occur. This can range from fights over money, how to bring up your children or even moral ambiguity. To rectify this, it is very important to improve the channels of communication. Practice empathetic listening and understand where your partner’s decisions and mindset stems from.
It could be a childhood experience or lessons from life that determines their current views. For example, someone that doesn’t believe money should be wasted on flashy things could come from a home where parents battled with money issues. On the contrary, a loose spender of money may have gotten his perspective because his parents had the instantaneous gratitude mindset i.e. money can be made and therefore should be spent. So the key is to reach a mutual understanding (a win win situation); when conflicts emerge.
Not tacking unresolved issues
The mind is a complicated organ; it remembers the worst of things irrespective of how hard you try to forget. In fact, the only time that you can completely reach peace of mind for a particular issue is through closure. With a relationship, the concept is exactly the same; one of the most visible relationship mistakes to avoid is therefore conflict resolution. When something is bothering you in a relationship; the worst thing to do is bottle up your concerns. Getting everything out there and systematically working through it as a couple can not only form a healthy relationship but also foster openness.
You base the relationship only on physical attraction
Physical attraction plays a great deal in a happy relationship; however one of the biggest relationship mistakes to avoid is using this as the support pillar for your relationship. This is because once you strip away (no pun intended) all the superficial stuff; there needs to be both an emotional and mental connection with your partner. Can you imagine how boring it would be staring mindlessly into the television when you share nothing in common with your partner? Or how difficult it would be to have an intellectual conversation with a hot girl whose only concern is the Kardashians. It is very important to not only look at compatibility in terms of appearance but also intellectual level. Read up on how to find the one in this post: Attractive qualities you should have to attract the one
Not expressing your expectations upfront
As much as you would like to think that your partner’s mind is in-sync with yours; it is actually not the case. Even after years, you may still need to spell out in simple terms what you want in the relationship. Of course this is subject to compromise. However one of the worst relationship mistakes to avoid, is assuming that your partner is aware of what you feel and want. It wouldn’t hurt anyone to just say it: “Honey, I would like to go out this weekend if you are not planning anything with friends” or ” Babe, I really don’t like the way you treat my friends when they come over.” As mentioned before, there may be some deeper root causes to specific behaviors and therefore the goal is to reach it so that it can be fixed.
You haven’t found yourself
Many people enter into relationships with the hope that it may complete them. They feel a void or unhappiness in their lives and assume that this can be filled with the love of a partner. However, this can be one of the most detrimental relationship mistakes to avoid. At some point in the relationship there is going to be a time where you have to work with your internalized problems. This becomes much more difficult to do when in a committed relationship. uncertainties in your career or unfulfilled experiences can leave you resenting your partner especially if they forbid you from exploring these avenues while in the relationship. It is therefore vital that you work on yourself as vigorously as you would in finding a life partner. Two well put together people within a relationship is key to a perpetually lasting relationship filled with happiness.